I was off job for almost two months, during this period I learned how terrible it is if you face yourself alone especially if you lost your identity capital.

Losing my identity capital is not the right word, of course, how could you be so mean to yourself to think you lost your career, you are nothing more than unemployed? How about 6 years hard work and all these choices. Uncertainty does not mean you would land in horrible position.

There are so many holes in my heart. I resigned because of the need to face myself and figure out the way.

Today luckily I ran to the speech of Randy Pausch.
He is so energetic and full of love and humerous, you could not connect him with someone pathetically with cancer, someone who has only 3months left.

He was there to lighten your child dream and your childlike wonder.

My dream was to get on the right track. By trying hard and woking hard and getting help from others, hope finally get deep root in this city and have a lovely family and take good care of parents.

Where is my brick wall?

My brick wall is my pride never meet father expectations. so many choices regarding career and relationship, we are on different channels, I could not face his judgement and deep in my heart I know how sorry and horrible to get him sad. All these troubled feelings will frighten me when things do not work out immediately.

How will I get around the brick wall?

Work hard, do not complain.
Focus on bigger pictures, not yourself.
Believe in Karma and get help. Never give up.

Love your patents deeply, so you know if they are mean to you, they still care about you and love you.

When I am writing this, I know things will be better. Miss daddy and mummy so much~ I do not want to be liar anymore on where I am now.

It is a nice day and I know I will go to the crowd to show you how I am fighting it.