第二講如何寫形、色、味

原文：

Its two solid little chimneys, glued on to the roof, were painted red and white, and the door, gleaming with yellow varnish, was like a little slab of toffee. Four windows, real windows, were divided into panes by a broad streak of green. There was actually a tiny porch, too, painted yellow, with big lumps of congealed paint hanging along the edge.

But perfect, perfect little house! Who could possibly mind the smell ? It was part of the joy, part of the newness.

“Open it quickly, someone!”

The hook at the side was stuck fast. Pat pried it open with his penknife, and the while house-front swung back, and——there you were, gazing at one and the same moment into the drawing-rooom and dining-room, the kitchen and two bedrooms. That is the way for a house to open! Why don’t all houses open like that ? How many more exciting than peering through the slit of a door into a meal little hall with a hatstand and two umbrellas! That is—isn’t？--what you long to know about a house when you put your hand on the knocker.

作者翻譯

粘在屋頂上的兩個實心煙筒，漆著紅白兩色；閃亮黃漆的小門，像一塊厚厚的太子妃糖。有四扇窗戶，真正的窗子，用綠色粗線畫成窗格子。而且還真有一個小門亭呢，也是被漆成黃色，邊緣還懸垂著一滴一滴的油漆。

多么完美的一間小房子啊！誰還會在乎那股油漆味呢？那也成了喜悅、嶄新感覺的一部分了。

“來人啊！趕緊打開它！”

玩具屋旁邊的鉤子卡得緊緊的，派特用削鉛筆刀把它打開。房子的整個前壁就被掀開了。看哪！你一眼就能看到客廳、餐廳、廚房和兩件臥室。房門就應該那樣地開才是！為何不讓所有的房子都以這種方式打開？比起從門縫地望見擺著衣帽架和兩把雨傘的小門廳，這有趣太多了，當你伸手叩響門環(huán)時，這不是你渴望看到的房子里的一切嗎？

我的翻譯

玩具屋屋頂上粘了兩個硬的小煙囪，煙囪紅白相間。（描述主題，如何避免主題總是出現？）玩具屋的門閃爍著亮黃色，像極了一塊脫脂糖。四個可開合的窗戶，綠色的寬條紋分成了將其分成了小小的窗格。它里面還有一個細長的走廊，走廊面涂有黃色漆，沿著走廊邊緣已有凝固的漆塊。

但是，這間小屋和其完美！漆味難聞又怎樣？它是新奇，是快樂的一部分！

來人，快打開它！

糟糕的是，門邊的鉤子卡住了。派特用削筆刀撬開了它，一瞬間，屋內畫室、餐廳、廚房、兩張床，一覽無余。這才是正確的打開方式！所有的屋子都應以這種方式打開。比起通過門縫瞥見一個有立式衣帽架和兩把雨傘的小屋，這樣子有趣多了！難道不是嗎？手握門把手的瞬間，你渴望看到什么呢？

自評

邏輯：為什么煙囪形狀是實心立方體？為何油漆是亮黃色？四扇窗戶分布是怎樣的？……諸多問題，書中一一有解。

文采：最后一段多出用“你”。情感指數高。

故事：“邊緣還懸垂著一滴一滴的油漆。多么完美的一間小房子啊！誰還會在乎那股油漆味呢？那也成了喜悅、嶄新感覺的一部分了。”此處為最小故事。